The key to your concerns here are In Ear monitors. How many bands that could even afford the cost of a personal monitor mix system (or pay for person to handle their mixers) are depending solely on wedges these days. I am not in the trenches for this kind of work very often but from what I see coming through local music venues, the answer to the question is very few. In fact I don't think I've ever seen bands using personal monitor mixers that are using primarily wedges. Most I see that have these systems are all on In Ears or perhaps a hybrid system with only a few wedges just so the lead vocal can pop out their buds and they don't lose all monitor ability. But more often than not, they are all on In Ears. At that point it doesn't really matter. If they want to mess with **** all night long they are not going to screw up their band mates. They won't affect the house mix in any way.
Most I have seen using these systems carry them, so they own or have rented the system for the length of their tour. So it's not something they are setting up from scratch every night. They plug all their stuff in and for the most part it's all ready to go. Most have presets, so they can recall their previous mixes. The people using them are used to using that system and it all works out just fine.
This is typical for Broadway pits as well. Almost all of them have an Aviom system in the pit and all the musicians that play in them, know how to work one. And subs and primary players can each save their own personal presets.
No, they are not something you throw at the musician who walks in 15 mins before the set starts and has never touched that make or model before. Duh!
As for audiences all wearing headphones, there have been plenty of days where I wished that was the case. Both as an audience member being subjected to a lousy mix and as a sound designer/engineer dealing with ****ty acoustics and unrealistic volume expectations, etc....
And in some ways I have dealt with just that, having worked on some exchange projects with theatre companies from non english speaking countries, I've done the "live mix for english speakers via a hearing impaired system" where I mixed a live feed, simultaneous translation and SFX/Playback feeds to the system that 600+ audience members were relying on to hear and understand the show they were watching. There have also been showings of movies and such where a crowd is watching a film in central park all wearing headphones. Granted, no they did not have their own mix controls. They got the mix given to them.
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